im six kinds of drunk right now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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