if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
