Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
