I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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