he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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