obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
