I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
