Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
