You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
