When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
