Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize