i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize