see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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