Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
