Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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