She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
