He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize