I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
