I cannot find my penis.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
