Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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