Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
