I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
third nipple confirmed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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