People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
