after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
