the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
