Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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