So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
