dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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