She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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