If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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