i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
