i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Enjoy the penises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
