The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize