fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
