She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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