No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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