doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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