I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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