you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
