every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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