i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
