Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
