I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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