update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
