sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
