Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
