Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You took a bar mat shot.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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