Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
