Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
