I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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