the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
