toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
