If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
PANTIES FOUND
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
