I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
