Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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