so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
