She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
