I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
