Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
