I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
