I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
