I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
