Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
