It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
