Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
