At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
