we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
