The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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