Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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