he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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