When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
