sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I met the friendliest cop last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize