my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
