sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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