I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
