we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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