I never want to see another naked old woman again.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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