if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
