No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
