I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
